Wednesday, October 9, 2013

What I'm psycho-listening to these days.

So yeah. I like this song by Miley. In fact, I like most of the songs on her new album. So what? I may be the only one person who thought her performance on the VMAs was simply hilarious. I was entertained. That girl was twerkn' the hell outta those lil' chicken cutlets. I mean, how else do follow up Madonna kissing Britney & Xtina or Diana Ross' Fondlegate of Lil' Kim? You twerk. You make people learn what that is whether they want to or not.

And since I never miss a season of SNL (someday I want to be in the audience and hopefully been seen as part of an audience sketch), I watched this past week's show where Ms. Cyrus was the musical guest and the host. Doing both jobs is really really hard, so I definitely appreciate when an artist can pull that off. Bruno Mars did a great job last year as host/musical guest. So did Justin Timberlake. Considering Miley's epic Disney career, I knew she would do well; but since this is virtually a brand new cast, I was doubtful it would all come together. Alas my doubts were for naught. It wasn't outstanding, but again, it doesn't take a whole lot to entertain me. 

All this to say, j'aime la chanson intitul√©e Wrecking Ball. The lyrics address my last relationship. I was absolutely the wrecking ball in that one. And that was new for me. I suppose I took pride in always being the rational one in relationships. But it was different with my spec; not better though.  I have no delusions it was somehow better or more passionate. Honestly, it was a “hot mess” situation. 

It’s been almost two years since he died. In that time I've done a lot of mourning, a lot of crying, a lot of feeling sorry for myself. Mostly I spent a lot of time being scared and being scarred. I have learned quite a bit about myself though, and now I have a much better outlook about myself and life in general. Listening to this song doesn't make me sad, it shows me how far I've come and how much I've learned about myself. I've been afraid for a long time to be passionate and enthusiastic about anything; I’m not anymore. I've cleaned away a lot of the debris that crumbled around me. Instead of feeling razed and crushed I feel empowered and resilient. I know better why I wrecked and I now know how to better deal with my own emotions. 
E ne veux pas avoir peur d'aimer à nouveau et je ne veux pas avoir peur de l'amour.
For me, Wrecking Ball is the denouement of the mixtape (Gawd I miss cassettes) on that relationship. I'm good.

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wreck me.